It is now April, and I am embarrassed to say that I failed to stick to my new years resolutions. Again.

How about you? Did you install this new beneficial behaviors? And stuck to it?

At the root of this is my believe that I am so rational and disciplined that I can take on multiple fundamental changes in my life at the same time. It all makes sense logically, right? Getting up early, stop alcohol, eating a healthy diet. All makes total sense - so just do it because I decide to do it. With discipline. Right?

NO. No way.

What is wrong? I hear everywhere, that discipline is the key to success. Am I lazy? Why is it not working for me?

Discipline alone does not get us anywhere. It is dangerous how it is currently promoted as the cure to everything, as the key to our success and well-being. There is a big misconception about discipline out there. Yes, discipline is needed, I fully agree. But: it must be used complementary with other measures to get to the desired behavior change.

In today's issue, we will explain why Nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman says "You cannot rely on willpower". We will also explain how to use discipline right. And we will dive into the system that will almost surely cause our desired changes to happen.

What's wrong with (my) discipline?

There are many famous figures out there who contribute their success to discipline.

And why should we not believe them? They seem convinced that it is discipline which brought them where they are. And there is truth to that. But I strongly believe it was not only discipline alone what brought them there. There were more things at play - conscious or unconscious.

Let's have a look.

Discipline will use up over the day

Discipline taps into your willpower. And willpower will deplete over the day. This has been shown by the research of Roy F. Baumeister:

Willpower is like a muscle: it gets tired as it works harder, so there's less power left over for other things. -- Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney

What does that mean for discipline? We need to be deliberate how we use that resource. That is the reason why we cannot do many changes at once: It depletes our willpower to a point that we will fall back to our old pattern.

That also means that we are not lazy. We just need to be aware of our resources and how we use them. Don't beat yourself up if your cannot stick to a new habit, in particular later the day. It is natural that we let it slip more the less willpower we have left in the tank.

We need to be tactical every day for what we want to use our willpower.

Overcoming the gravity of your character

We need to understand who we are.

How does this impact discipline? The stronger our beliefs, values, or behaviors, the harder to change. It's like overcoming gravity. The more rooted they are in our identity, the tougher to overcome and replace.

We often can't muster the willpower to beat our character's gravity.

Understanding our beliefs, values, and behaviors lightens our load. It also gives us a new tool: "I know, brain, change is tough. I see you're stuck on this old belief. But, in the end, it harms us more than it helps."

Accepting the believes behind our behaviors will reduce their impact they are having on us.

Stacking habits

It’s not enough to ask what successful people are like. It is only by asking where they are from that we can unravel the logic behind who succeeds and who doesn't. -- Malcolm Gladwell

We often look up to our idols, the super successful, and want to model what they do to also become successful. Many of them contribute their success to discipline. They do all this hard things on a daily basis, which suck when you do them, but promote the benefits in the long term. All the things we struggle to install. We need to be aware that it was a journey which brought them where they are. They did not install all that in one go.

They stacked those habits.

We need to tackle one new and beneficial habit at a time. If we are consistent with it, after 2-3 month, the habit becomes easier. It does not require that much willpower anymore. That is the point where you have free willpower to start to install the next habit.

One by one, step by step, slow but steady is how you build all this good habits. Which will look god-like after a few years. But you were just using a smart approach.

Brian Tracy found exactly that also in his book No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline:

"Successful people are simply those with successful habits." -- Brian Tracy

Complementary use of Discipline

Discipline alone will fail you.

Instead, use this system and tips. They will turn you into a person who looks like he has god-like discipline.

One at a time

As we just discussed: The best use of your discipline is to establish habits. As willpower depletes over the day we want to do it step by step. Chose one habit to start with. Then once that is getting easy, start the next.

The one thing

I love the one thing method by Gary Keller. And it is very helpful here as well. It evolves around one very powerful question:

What is the one habit I want to install first to make everything else easier or obsolete (e.g. implementing the next habits)?

So, you want to start with a habit that ripples. It's not just the the one habit, but it sets you on the path to make the right choices and decisions beyond that habit.

For me it is getting up early, before everyone else. That way I have some quiet time in the morning to work on myself and towards my life vision. I achieved something early today. It has a rippling effect on my day as it builds momentum.

For you it might be a different starting point, choose wisely.

Do it early

If in anyway possible do your habit in the morning. That is where your willpower is still strong. Take advantage of that.

Rest

Make sure you sleep well and long enough to restore your willpower (and every other part of your life).

Also consider other restful activities throughout the day. Like taking walks. They are incredible beneficial. I have written about the many surprising benefits of taking daily walks last week. Find it here if you want to know more.

Know yourself

Knowing your enemy is half the battle. Understanding your beliefs, values, and character helps counter deep-rooted behaviors. Their power diminishes when you are aware of them.

Use meaning

If you can clearly answer why you want to establish that habit, it gives you a tremendous amount of energy to tap into - supporting your willpower. This is the strongest if you have a purpose which goes beyond your pleasure and enjoyment. We will discuss creating purpose in an upcoming newsletter.

Use emotional energy

We are emotions driven. The good thing is that we can leverage that to our advantage.

Imagine how your life will be in a few years if you don't establish that habit. Paint a worse case, dark picture. Feel into that.
Imagine how your life will be in a few years if you have indeed implemented that habit. And the habits which come next. Paint a wonderful picture. Imagine all the details and feel into that.

I recommend writing this down, it somehow sticks better in my head if I do it.

Now if you struggle to do the habit when it is time: Tap into those pictures, feel it. That gives you the extra energy you need to do it.

If you want to know more details about emotional master, check out my article.

Remove friction

Create an environment that makes it easy to do the new habit. And hard to do the old habit. Like don't buy the box of beer if you want to stop drinking every other night. Yes, you guessed it, that was a remark to myself. It will be too much friction to go shopping when it urges me.